9th Annual Seton Hill WPF Writer's Retreat and Conference
WHEN: June 24 - 27, 2010
GUEST SPEAKERS: Jim McCarthy, Agent, Dystel & Goderich Literary Management
Janet Reid, Agent, FinePrint Literary Management
Annette Rogers, Acquisitions Editor, Poisoned Pen Press
Tina Trevaskis, Director of Marketing & Sales, Samhain Publishing Co.
This event is open to the public. Registration opens on March 1, 2010.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Am I a Writer?
Gary's last post made me think. Then it made me realize I need to make a confession.
I'm not like other writers. I'm not. I never tell them that, though. Because if I tell them how I'm different, they'll look at me and shake their heads and whisper, "She's not a writer."
Part of me thinks they're right. Part of me thinks I'm just a wolf dressed up in writer's clothing. A writing impostor.
Why am I not like other writers?
I don't dream about my characters.
I don't go in writing withdrawal. I'm perfectly content if I don't write for a day, a week or a month.
I don't think that my characters speak to me. Or find me. Or control themselves. Or any of that other stuff people say their characters do.
I don't get writer's block (I just get writer's crap).
Does this all mean that I'm a bad writer? Or am I not a writer at all?
--Natalie
I'm not like other writers. I'm not. I never tell them that, though. Because if I tell them how I'm different, they'll look at me and shake their heads and whisper, "She's not a writer."
Part of me thinks they're right. Part of me thinks I'm just a wolf dressed up in writer's clothing. A writing impostor.
Why am I not like other writers?
I don't dream about my characters.
I don't go in writing withdrawal. I'm perfectly content if I don't write for a day, a week or a month.
I don't think that my characters speak to me. Or find me. Or control themselves. Or any of that other stuff people say their characters do.
I don't get writer's block (I just get writer's crap).
Does this all mean that I'm a bad writer? Or am I not a writer at all?
--Natalie
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Love to Write or Love the Idea of Being a Writer?
This week, I was in Atlanta for a conference related to my dayjob. Actually, I'm in still in Atlanta, although the conference is over. In the middle of this taxing conference (I am, what I discovered, a state tax professional), I had dinner with Jim Moore (http://www.jimshorror.com/), a very fine horror writer, and a great friend. Over the course of dinner, he proposed this question: Do you love to write or do you love the idea of being a writer and the "writer lifestyle"? Hm...
There are days where writing is tedious. The words don't come, the characters aren't interested in participating in the story and, well, you know the drill. Or, like I've discovered this week, you're so focused on life around you, you can't switch into creative writer mode (yes, I have the left/right hemispheres issue (see Rush's Hemispheres for more on that syndrome (a damned fine CD))). Participating in a week-long state and local tax conference is a good way to avoid being creative. I am living La Vida Tax.
But I digress. So there are tedious days where I think, maybe I just love the idea of being a writer and don't really love writing. The whole idea of being a writer is rather...sexy (and I know some sexy writers). You get to ponder life, hang out in coffeehouses and drink too much coffee under the pretense of creative thinking, you go to cons and hobnob with the literary upper (or middle or (God forbid) lower) crust, and you get to feel creatively important. You may write some stories, maybe take a stab at a novel, but in the end you wind up watching another CSI rerun or surfing eBay for those footie pj's you always wanted. You even say to yourself "Not tonight dear, I'm just not feeling...literary."
You know what? That's all right. You have every right to do what you want. Far be it from me to tell you whether you love writing or love the notion of being a writer. I can only talk from where I'm at, about me, to you. So back to me. Do I love writing or do I love the idea of being a writer?
Sure there are tedious days and even more days when I don't get a single word out. But wait. There are days, more often than otherwise, when the words come like magic and the plot is right there and the characters and I are grooving together and it's all one big awesome jam, like Woodstock, sans the weed and mud, but plus the Grateful Dead-like meandering spaces, the rhythmic beats, the sunshine and the love, man, there is the love. Eh...wot?
No matter how I slice this, it comes to the same thing: I am a writer and I love writing. It may be tedious at times and I may be tired more evenings than I should, but conversely, when I don't write, I get kinda cranky, and irritable, and unpleasant.
What this means is that every night I don't write, it's not because I'm not a writer, but because I'm using an excuse to not write. And that just ain't right. I can always find another reason (spelled excuse) not to write. But if I don't write, I don't move closer to that awesome "writer lifestyle".
I leave you to ponder this: If you love writing and you want to publish your writing and maybe make some cash doing it, what's stopping you? What excuses are you using to keep from writing?
Next time I'll talk about some of those excuses that could keep us from writing. So until next time (and it will be less than six months or however long it's been since I last wrote here), may you find joy and excitement in spilling tales from your brain, may you realize your love of storytelling and let it come out of you in strokes of creative genius. Eh...wot?
Happy Writin's!
Gary . . .
There are days where writing is tedious. The words don't come, the characters aren't interested in participating in the story and, well, you know the drill. Or, like I've discovered this week, you're so focused on life around you, you can't switch into creative writer mode (yes, I have the left/right hemispheres issue (see Rush's Hemispheres for more on that syndrome (a damned fine CD))). Participating in a week-long state and local tax conference is a good way to avoid being creative. I am living La Vida Tax.
But I digress. So there are tedious days where I think, maybe I just love the idea of being a writer and don't really love writing. The whole idea of being a writer is rather...sexy (and I know some sexy writers). You get to ponder life, hang out in coffeehouses and drink too much coffee under the pretense of creative thinking, you go to cons and hobnob with the literary upper (or middle or (God forbid) lower) crust, and you get to feel creatively important. You may write some stories, maybe take a stab at a novel, but in the end you wind up watching another CSI rerun or surfing eBay for those footie pj's you always wanted. You even say to yourself "Not tonight dear, I'm just not feeling...literary."
You know what? That's all right. You have every right to do what you want. Far be it from me to tell you whether you love writing or love the notion of being a writer. I can only talk from where I'm at, about me, to you. So back to me. Do I love writing or do I love the idea of being a writer?
Sure there are tedious days and even more days when I don't get a single word out. But wait. There are days, more often than otherwise, when the words come like magic and the plot is right there and the characters and I are grooving together and it's all one big awesome jam, like Woodstock, sans the weed and mud, but plus the Grateful Dead-like meandering spaces, the rhythmic beats, the sunshine and the love, man, there is the love. Eh...wot?
No matter how I slice this, it comes to the same thing: I am a writer and I love writing. It may be tedious at times and I may be tired more evenings than I should, but conversely, when I don't write, I get kinda cranky, and irritable, and unpleasant.
What this means is that every night I don't write, it's not because I'm not a writer, but because I'm using an excuse to not write. And that just ain't right. I can always find another reason (spelled excuse) not to write. But if I don't write, I don't move closer to that awesome "writer lifestyle".
I leave you to ponder this: If you love writing and you want to publish your writing and maybe make some cash doing it, what's stopping you? What excuses are you using to keep from writing?
Next time I'll talk about some of those excuses that could keep us from writing. So until next time (and it will be less than six months or however long it's been since I last wrote here), may you find joy and excitement in spilling tales from your brain, may you realize your love of storytelling and let it come out of you in strokes of creative genius. Eh...wot?
Happy Writin's!
Gary . . .
Thursday, January 21, 2010
What happens when you have no plot?
I am cursed with pretty good characters who seem to never do anything. I guess arguably, then, they aren't good at all. Where do plots hide?What makes a conflict plotable? I've often wondered this as I search the depths of my brain for a good conflict.
Here's a test(which is taken from the real life questions I ask myself when trying to determine if I should take something seriously):
1. Does this problem complicate my life?
If no...move on.
If yes...is it an "I can't have PB&J for lunch because I'm out of PB" crisis or an "I can't go to work because my leg was broken, my car is on fire, I was hit by a little person dressed up as a seal swinging a bat, etc, etc." kind of crisis.
-->If it's the first...move on.
-->The second...okay we have something. Maybe.
2.Does it complicate the lives of my immediate circle?
If no...move on*.
If yes...does it inconvenience your circle or does it blow up their world?
-->The first...move on*.
-->The second...how? And is there loss of limb?
3. Does it complicate the lives of thos outside your circle?
If no...move on**.
If yes...does it inconvenience them or does it blow up the world?
-->The first...move on***.
-->The second...how? Is it a figurative "blow up" or were bombs involved?
4. Does this problem destroy the world?
If no...do you wish it had?
If yes...are you to blame?
These are a few questions I ask myself before embarking on a plot adventure. Perhaps you can use them as well, but if not, I don't really care.
Ciao and happy writing,
D
*Unless the point of your plot is inconvenience, really, you're better off moving on to something more solid UNLESS your objective is a very short and/or annoying, melodramatic story. If you can prove me wrong, I urge you to do so.
**Unless item 3 is true. Not every story has to have a world focus.
***Unless the inconvenience is something like zombie dogs and you're a mail carrier delivering brains. That might be an inconvenience, but it might also be plotable.
PS...I made these up just now.
Here's a test(which is taken from the real life questions I ask myself when trying to determine if I should take something seriously):
1. Does this problem complicate my life?
If no...move on.
If yes...is it an "I can't have PB&J for lunch because I'm out of PB" crisis or an "I can't go to work because my leg was broken, my car is on fire, I was hit by a little person dressed up as a seal swinging a bat, etc, etc." kind of crisis.
-->If it's the first...move on.
-->The second...okay we have something. Maybe.
2.Does it complicate the lives of my immediate circle?
If no...move on*.
If yes...does it inconvenience your circle or does it blow up their world?
-->The first...move on*.
-->The second...how? And is there loss of limb?
3. Does it complicate the lives of thos outside your circle?
If no...move on**.
If yes...does it inconvenience them or does it blow up the world?
-->The first...move on***.
-->The second...how? Is it a figurative "blow up" or were bombs involved?
4. Does this problem destroy the world?
If no...do you wish it had?
If yes...are you to blame?
These are a few questions I ask myself before embarking on a plot adventure. Perhaps you can use them as well, but if not, I don't really care.
Ciao and happy writing,
D
*Unless the point of your plot is inconvenience, really, you're better off moving on to something more solid UNLESS your objective is a very short and/or annoying, melodramatic story. If you can prove me wrong, I urge you to do so.
**Unless item 3 is true. Not every story has to have a world focus.
***Unless the inconvenience is something like zombie dogs and you're a mail carrier delivering brains. That might be an inconvenience, but it might also be plotable.
PS...I made these up just now.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
That Quiz Thing from Deanna by Way of Heidi Ruby Miller
1) Do you type or write by hand?
I write by hand on my computer monitor. It's a mess.
2) Do you save everything you write?
No, Jesus does that.
3) What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?
The answers to this quiz.
4) What character have you written that’s most like yourself?
I created a superhero named Datt Muvall. Tall, handsome, impervious to pain, able to telepathically sense bra colors without a Facebook status message campaign... yes, he was very much like me.
5) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?
I "borrow" them. Mostly from Isaac Asimov novels.
6) Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Only the ones about Isaac Asimov novels.
7) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Leave my grammar out of this. The poor woman's almost ninety.
8) Does music help you write?
Only if it's about Isaac Asimov novels.
I write by hand on my computer monitor. It's a mess.
2) Do you save everything you write?
No, Jesus does that.
3) What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?
The answers to this quiz.
4) What character have you written that’s most like yourself?
I created a superhero named Datt Muvall. Tall, handsome, impervious to pain, able to telepathically sense bra colors without a Facebook status message campaign... yes, he was very much like me.
5) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?
I "borrow" them. Mostly from Isaac Asimov novels.
6) Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Only the ones about Isaac Asimov novels.
7) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Leave my grammar out of this. The poor woman's almost ninety.
8) Does music help you write?
Only if it's about Isaac Asimov novels.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Blasphemous, I know....
I did something unforgivable and arranged my books by color. I'll never be able to find anything but it looks incredible. So I guess we'll see how long this lasts. In the meantime, enjoy.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Interview: Eight Writing Questions -DL
I saw this over on Heidi Ruby Miller's blog http://heidirubymiller.blogspot.com and since I can never turn down a good survey (see facebook for proof) I thought I'd join in. Perhaps my Project4Word cronies will also join....
1) Do you type or write by hand?
I must write on computer. Anything I write by hand will either be lost in one of about fifty bags, the floor of my car or the stacks of paper I have gathered but will never go through in my house.
2) Do you save everything you write?
If it was written on computer, then yes. I even have some floppy disks with my writings though no means of accessing them. If hand written....see above.
3) What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?
The Beauty of David. It's an atrocious short story with an excellent concept and a pretty good twist. If only I could rewrite it without losing the feeling of it.
4) What character have you written that’s most like yourself?
Technically, they are all me which speaks to my enormous vanity, I suppose. The character that is most like me would be Jana, my angsty pastry chef. If I say I love her am I really saying I love myself? I don't know...
5) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?
My ideas come from music, from people watching, from news articles, from my brain thinking, "What if?", from the people I hang out with, from work, from everywhere, I suppose.
6) Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Oh my goodness. I have an entire anthology sized folder of dreams.
7) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Ha! Concern over grammar and spelling has held me back for years. Instead of moving forward with the story, I would look back at all my typos and cringe. Write or Die has helped me overcome this problem of mine. I still cringe, but I've been able to move forward and complete a story for a change. I haven't done that since my thesis.
8) Does music help you write?
Music is my number one inspiration. Without it, I would not be creative at all.
1) Do you type or write by hand?
I must write on computer. Anything I write by hand will either be lost in one of about fifty bags, the floor of my car or the stacks of paper I have gathered but will never go through in my house.
2) Do you save everything you write?
If it was written on computer, then yes. I even have some floppy disks with my writings though no means of accessing them. If hand written....see above.
3) What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?
The Beauty of David. It's an atrocious short story with an excellent concept and a pretty good twist. If only I could rewrite it without losing the feeling of it.
4) What character have you written that’s most like yourself?
Technically, they are all me which speaks to my enormous vanity, I suppose. The character that is most like me would be Jana, my angsty pastry chef. If I say I love her am I really saying I love myself? I don't know...
5) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?
My ideas come from music, from people watching, from news articles, from my brain thinking, "What if?", from the people I hang out with, from work, from everywhere, I suppose.
6) Do you ever write based on your dreams?
Oh my goodness. I have an entire anthology sized folder of dreams.
7) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Ha! Concern over grammar and spelling has held me back for years. Instead of moving forward with the story, I would look back at all my typos and cringe. Write or Die has helped me overcome this problem of mine. I still cringe, but I've been able to move forward and complete a story for a change. I haven't done that since my thesis.
8) Does music help you write?
Music is my number one inspiration. Without it, I would not be creative at all.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Ringing in the new year....
After a long hiatus, I decided to dive headlong into the blogoshere once more. Keeping up on four blogs while maintaining other projects and a full time job will, I expect, get a bit hairy from time to time, but I've always been up for a challenge. I've also been all about burning my candle at both ends.
As to what I've been up to since my last post back in October....well. I spent the majority of July through October traveling for work and decided to throw a delicious, if ambitious Halloween shindig involving three types of fondue (see www.betterthanbasicbetty.blogspot.com for all my recipes). The next day, November 1 marked my first day of my very first NaNoWriMo. This pretty much consumed my November.
December flew by and since I don't want to bore you with details, just know that I had a successful month with my craft business (www.etsy.com/shop/notyouraveragemartha) and a moderately successful Christmas with gifts. Unfortunately, My friends especially got shafted on the gift front this year though I still have three gifts sitting on my table ready to give away. However, I doubt I'll see these friends of mine until the spring thaw.
At least that is how it's starting to look.
I am proud to say that I only had one Christmas/Holiday melt down this year and it was fairly mild. So where does that leave me for this brand new year? We're almost ten days in and I'm still catching up on some gifts but I did manage to take down the decorations today. I'm concentrating on resting up this month since my plans for the rest of the year explode as of February 1st.
And you'll just have to stay tuned to read what exactly those plans are.
As to what I've been up to since my last post back in October....well. I spent the majority of July through October traveling for work and decided to throw a delicious, if ambitious Halloween shindig involving three types of fondue (see www.betterthanbasicbetty.blogspot.com for all my recipes). The next day, November 1 marked my first day of my very first NaNoWriMo. This pretty much consumed my November.
December flew by and since I don't want to bore you with details, just know that I had a successful month with my craft business (www.etsy.com/shop/notyouraveragemartha) and a moderately successful Christmas with gifts. Unfortunately, My friends especially got shafted on the gift front this year though I still have three gifts sitting on my table ready to give away. However, I doubt I'll see these friends of mine until the spring thaw.
At least that is how it's starting to look.
I am proud to say that I only had one Christmas/Holiday melt down this year and it was fairly mild. So where does that leave me for this brand new year? We're almost ten days in and I'm still catching up on some gifts but I did manage to take down the decorations today. I'm concentrating on resting up this month since my plans for the rest of the year explode as of February 1st.
And you'll just have to stay tuned to read what exactly those plans are.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Some Thoughts on Misery
MFA-type navel-gazing, for those who might be interested.
I was glad to revisit Misery for our horror genre readings course. It's been several years since I first read this novel, and I was interested to see if it still held the same morbid fascination for me now as it did when I was a teenager.
Read the rest...http://blogs.setonhill.edu/MattDuvall/2009/10/number_one_fan.html
I was glad to revisit Misery for our horror genre readings course. It's been several years since I first read this novel, and I was interested to see if it still held the same morbid fascination for me now as it did when I was a teenager.
Read the rest...http://blogs.setonhill.edu/MattDuvall/2009/10/number_one_fan.html
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
In other blogs....
Came across this cool Steampunk generator created by David Malki over at Wondermark. Very cool site... Check it out!
~D
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Men Writing Women
This is a repost of a response I did for one of my grad classes. I'd love to know what you think!
Warning – this post might include inadvertent sexism and/or stereotyping.
Not too long ago, my husband and I talked about writers writing protagonists of the opposite gender. This probably stemmed from the fact that Matt's current works involve female protagonists. I stated that I believe it is easier for women to write as men than vice versa. Matt replied, "It is both socially and craftily harder for a man to write as a woman than it is for a woman to write as a man." (Yes, he made up the word craftily).
For an example, we talked about Stephen King and his wife, Tabitha. In Tabitha's book, The Book of Reuben, she writes a very strong male protagonist. However, Stephen King, doesn't manage to grasp the female perspective as well (for a good example, see A Bag of Bones).
Personally, I don't even think Shakespeare could pull off a good woman. Take for example Othello. Desdemona was such a doofus!
The reason I believe this (I won't presume to state why Matt thinks this) is because women are more emotionally complicated than men. True, some male authors manage quite well to write from the female perspective. Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha, Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, Nicholas Sparks (though I can't stomach his books!), Phillip Pullman and others had believable female characters.
Yet, oftentimes when I read a man writing for a woman, the woman seems to come off as either too emotional or not emotional enough. Men either don’t seem to grasp the complexity of a woman or they over think that complexity.
However, when I was thinking about this, I realized there is one genre where it seems that male authors are more able to get away with (or better skilled at) writing women. That genre? Fantasy, of course!
So, this got me thinking. Are fantasy writers considered better at writing women because we will allow more latitude with women in fantastical situations? Since the female protagonist in a fantasy is not quite of the world we know, do we not expect that females emotions to be like a woman in this age?
To answer this question, what better book to look at that Terry Pratchett's Monstrous Regiment, where every character is a woman?! I will admit that Pratchett might be a bit better off in the challenge of writing women since his women are pretending to be men, but...
When I first started reading the book, I immediately felt a little uncomfortable with Pratchett's description of Polly/Oliver. Why? Because of how he described her flat chest. The only emotion Pratchett gave Polly was "sheer annoyance that a haircut was all she needed to pass for a young man. She didn't even need to bind up her bosom..." (1). Women with small chests feel one of two things – pride for that chest, or self-conscious inadequacy. Polly should have felt that annoyance that she could pass off as a man because of her chest. However, unlike Pratchett described, she should have kept feeling that way for quite some time.
I got over this, though. I believe I got over this because Polly doesn't live in a world where normal things are happening. Of course she shouldn't feel normally, right?
It's even harder to try and claim that some of the other women are acting like women because, really, what experience do we have with vampires and zombie-like things? How can any reader complain that Maladict(a) and Igor(ina) aren't acting like real females of their species should be?
The question then remains, when we suspend our disbelief of what should happen in a fantasy world, do we often suspend our disbelief of how a woman should act and think? I think we do.
So, for any of the men out there who would like to write female protagonists – your best bet is to put them in a fantastical situation.
Warning – this post might include inadvertent sexism and/or stereotyping.
Not too long ago, my husband and I talked about writers writing protagonists of the opposite gender. This probably stemmed from the fact that Matt's current works involve female protagonists. I stated that I believe it is easier for women to write as men than vice versa. Matt replied, "It is both socially and craftily harder for a man to write as a woman than it is for a woman to write as a man." (Yes, he made up the word craftily).
For an example, we talked about Stephen King and his wife, Tabitha. In Tabitha's book, The Book of Reuben, she writes a very strong male protagonist. However, Stephen King, doesn't manage to grasp the female perspective as well (for a good example, see A Bag of Bones).
Personally, I don't even think Shakespeare could pull off a good woman. Take for example Othello. Desdemona was such a doofus!
The reason I believe this (I won't presume to state why Matt thinks this) is because women are more emotionally complicated than men. True, some male authors manage quite well to write from the female perspective. Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha, Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, Nicholas Sparks (though I can't stomach his books!), Phillip Pullman and others had believable female characters.
Yet, oftentimes when I read a man writing for a woman, the woman seems to come off as either too emotional or not emotional enough. Men either don’t seem to grasp the complexity of a woman or they over think that complexity.
However, when I was thinking about this, I realized there is one genre where it seems that male authors are more able to get away with (or better skilled at) writing women. That genre? Fantasy, of course!
So, this got me thinking. Are fantasy writers considered better at writing women because we will allow more latitude with women in fantastical situations? Since the female protagonist in a fantasy is not quite of the world we know, do we not expect that females emotions to be like a woman in this age?
To answer this question, what better book to look at that Terry Pratchett's Monstrous Regiment, where every character is a woman?! I will admit that Pratchett might be a bit better off in the challenge of writing women since his women are pretending to be men, but...
When I first started reading the book, I immediately felt a little uncomfortable with Pratchett's description of Polly/Oliver. Why? Because of how he described her flat chest. The only emotion Pratchett gave Polly was "sheer annoyance that a haircut was all she needed to pass for a young man. She didn't even need to bind up her bosom..." (1). Women with small chests feel one of two things – pride for that chest, or self-conscious inadequacy. Polly should have felt that annoyance that she could pass off as a man because of her chest. However, unlike Pratchett described, she should have kept feeling that way for quite some time.
I got over this, though. I believe I got over this because Polly doesn't live in a world where normal things are happening. Of course she shouldn't feel normally, right?
It's even harder to try and claim that some of the other women are acting like women because, really, what experience do we have with vampires and zombie-like things? How can any reader complain that Maladict(a) and Igor(ina) aren't acting like real females of their species should be?
The question then remains, when we suspend our disbelief of what should happen in a fantasy world, do we often suspend our disbelief of how a woman should act and think? I think we do.
So, for any of the men out there who would like to write female protagonists – your best bet is to put them in a fantastical situation.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Horror Writer
Care to see what my foray back into academia has produced?
http://blogs.setonhill.edu/NatalieDuvall/2009/09/hell_hath_no_fury_like_a_horro.html
http://blogs.setonhill.edu/NatalieDuvall/2009/09/hell_hath_no_fury_like_a_horro.html
Friday, September 11, 2009
Blogging for fun, not profit
It was recently brought to my attention by a very smart lady that I need to prioritize my life. I need to decide what's important to me and the goals I want to accomplish. Blogging will not bring me a book deal despite some very recent and popular movies that glorify blogging. Okay, so it might bring a book deal to SOME people, but it's certainly not a common occurrence. So, at what point do you sacrifice your novel writing time to blog? And do you have to make a sacrifice at all?I don't believe so.
So I blog for fun. I have two blogs now, soon to be four. Though I imagine I will be doing more re-posting from blog to blog to steal time back for my "real" writing in the future. I do enjoy getting my thought out into the interwebz for anyone to read. I'm not 100% anyone DOES read this but I plug on despite that. All in due time, right?
In any case, I could stop in order to focus on the elusive Great American, award-winning, novel that somehow hasn't managed to write itself despite how brilliant I am. Well, brilliant, I may be, but motivated? That's another story.
Whether it's a distraction or the push I needed, blogging has brought the joy back to writing for me. And that, for now, is what makes this worthwhile. So for the moment, I guess this is up there on the priority list.
~D
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I See Homosexual People
Following Natalie's cue, I'm posting one of my school blogs here...this one also deals with reader expectations. You can read more at http://blogs.setonhill.edu/MattDuvall.
In her book Sexual Anarchy, Elaine Showalter contends that Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde is actually describing "the nearly hysterical terror of revealing forbidden emotions between men....a case study of male hysteria" (107). She goes on to further state her case, citing the use of the word "queer" (112) and the way the "male homosexual body is also represented in the narrative in a series of images suggestive of anality and anal intercourse" (113).
Showalter's assertions are interesting, and should remind us as writers that while we may think we are just spinning a simple tale of multiple personality disorder, our readers will bring their own ideas to the story. They may end up reading things we did not write, or may sense a subconscious subtext that, real or imagined, we did not intend to include. However, in this case it seems that Showalter may be over-reaching in her analysis of the story.
First, Showalter begins by suggesting that the author may have been gay. She writes that "Stevenson himself was the object of extraordinary passion on the part of other men" (107). While she does go on to say that "Stevenson's real sexuality is much less the issue in Jekyll and Hyde" (107), she implies that the book is a way for him to explore his own conflicted personality and most secret desires.
Using this logic, however, Stephen King is (or at least wants to be) a mass-murderer, Jennifer Cruisie has had sex with legions of men (doubtful), and Mark Twain was a racist. Likewise, even if the book is a discourse on homosexuality, it doesn't automatically follow that Stevenson was gay.
Showalter cites examples of the personification of homosexuality in Jekyll and Hyde--"Hyde travels in the 'chocolate-brown fog' that beats about the 'back-end of the evening'; while the streets he traverses are invariably 'muddy' and 'dark,' Jekyll's house, with its two entrances" (113) is, to Showalter, the most explicit example of a man's body.
I had never noticed these things before, but after the Showalter article I started seeing homosexual references everywhere. Stevenson writes "the stick with which the deed had been done...was...rare...wood" (34). When Utterson and Enfield encounter Dr. Jekyll at one point, they have a conversation where Utterson tells Jekyll "'You should be out whipping up the circulation like Mr. Enfield and me'" and Jekyll replies "'I should like to very much; but no, no, no, it is quite impossible; I dare not'" (Stevenson 52). Near the end, "where Jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, Hyde rose to the importance of the moment" (Stevenson 95).
It is interesting how a work of fiction may have many interpretations, and how, once exposed to a certain point of view, the reader may begin to see evidence supporting that particular interpretation. For example, some reviewers feel "the relationship between Jekyll and Hyde is also characterized as almost a father and son relationship, and reflects further ambivalence on Stevenson's part towards living in a house purchased for him by his father" (Danahay 129). At the time of its publication, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was "quoted widely in sermons...as an example of the dangers of sin and vice" (Danahay 134).
So, is Stevenson's book rife with homosexual imagery? In an effort to study reader expectations, I picked a sampling of books from my own shelf and inspected them for passages that could be construed as relating to homosexuality or the human body. Here is what I found. Charlotte Bronte swings both ways in Jane Eyre. Early on the narrator says "to-night I was to be Miss Miller's bedfellow; she helped me to undress" (Bronte 42). Later, though, Jane's attention turns to "Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking loner, narrower, and more rigid than ever" (Bronte 59).
Despite Dumbledore's predilections, J K Rowling mostly focuses on hetero (if somewhat underaged) desires. In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, "Hermione grimly" tells Harry to "'Watch your frog, it's escaping'" (Rowling 374). Harry realizes too late that "he was indeed squeezing his bullfrog so tightly that its eyes were popping" (Rowling 375). However, there are a few homosexual images, as Hermione has "suspected this ever since Filch accused you of ordering Dungbombs" (Rowling 374).
Even Elmore Leonard can not resist including homosexual images in his writing. In Leonard's The Hot Kid we find this very revealing passage: "'Yeah, picking nuts. But he's always let me have my head'" (171).Obviously, these examples are very contrived and almost (or extremely) silly. However, they do prove that we as readers can inject almost any context we wish into a book, and then find the evidence to support our claims. It is important to look at ourselves and our own prejudices when we are examining writing. The danger of reading too much into a work is that we will be unable to convince others when we have valid points. For example, while Showalter probably has many good and interesting ideas, I will view any literary criticism of hers with suspicion in the future.
Works Cited
Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre. Dover Thrift Edition. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications Inc., 2002. Print.
Danahay, Martin A. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. 2nd edition. Peterborough, ON: Broadview Press, 2005. Print.
Leonard, Elmore. The Hot Kid. Paperback. New York: Harper Collins, 2005. Print.
Rowling, J. K.. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hardcover. New York: Scholastic Press, 2003. Print.
Showalter, Elaine. Sexual Anarchy: Gender and Culture at the Fin de Siecle. New York: Viking, 1990. Print.
Stevenson, Robert Louis. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Travels with a Donkey. Art-Type Edition. New York: Books, Inc., Unknown. Print.
In her book Sexual Anarchy, Elaine Showalter contends that Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde is actually describing "the nearly hysterical terror of revealing forbidden emotions between men....a case study of male hysteria" (107). She goes on to further state her case, citing the use of the word "queer" (112) and the way the "male homosexual body is also represented in the narrative in a series of images suggestive of anality and anal intercourse" (113).
Showalter's assertions are interesting, and should remind us as writers that while we may think we are just spinning a simple tale of multiple personality disorder, our readers will bring their own ideas to the story. They may end up reading things we did not write, or may sense a subconscious subtext that, real or imagined, we did not intend to include. However, in this case it seems that Showalter may be over-reaching in her analysis of the story.
First, Showalter begins by suggesting that the author may have been gay. She writes that "Stevenson himself was the object of extraordinary passion on the part of other men" (107). While she does go on to say that "Stevenson's real sexuality is much less the issue in Jekyll and Hyde" (107), she implies that the book is a way for him to explore his own conflicted personality and most secret desires.
Using this logic, however, Stephen King is (or at least wants to be) a mass-murderer, Jennifer Cruisie has had sex with legions of men (doubtful), and Mark Twain was a racist. Likewise, even if the book is a discourse on homosexuality, it doesn't automatically follow that Stevenson was gay.
Showalter cites examples of the personification of homosexuality in Jekyll and Hyde--"Hyde travels in the 'chocolate-brown fog' that beats about the 'back-end of the evening'; while the streets he traverses are invariably 'muddy' and 'dark,' Jekyll's house, with its two entrances" (113) is, to Showalter, the most explicit example of a man's body.
I had never noticed these things before, but after the Showalter article I started seeing homosexual references everywhere. Stevenson writes "the stick with which the deed had been done...was...rare...wood" (34). When Utterson and Enfield encounter Dr. Jekyll at one point, they have a conversation where Utterson tells Jekyll "'You should be out whipping up the circulation like Mr. Enfield and me'" and Jekyll replies "'I should like to very much; but no, no, no, it is quite impossible; I dare not'" (Stevenson 52). Near the end, "where Jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, Hyde rose to the importance of the moment" (Stevenson 95).
It is interesting how a work of fiction may have many interpretations, and how, once exposed to a certain point of view, the reader may begin to see evidence supporting that particular interpretation. For example, some reviewers feel "the relationship between Jekyll and Hyde is also characterized as almost a father and son relationship, and reflects further ambivalence on Stevenson's part towards living in a house purchased for him by his father" (Danahay 129). At the time of its publication, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was "quoted widely in sermons...as an example of the dangers of sin and vice" (Danahay 134).
So, is Stevenson's book rife with homosexual imagery? In an effort to study reader expectations, I picked a sampling of books from my own shelf and inspected them for passages that could be construed as relating to homosexuality or the human body. Here is what I found. Charlotte Bronte swings both ways in Jane Eyre. Early on the narrator says "to-night I was to be Miss Miller's bedfellow; she helped me to undress" (Bronte 42). Later, though, Jane's attention turns to "Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking loner, narrower, and more rigid than ever" (Bronte 59).
Despite Dumbledore's predilections, J K Rowling mostly focuses on hetero (if somewhat underaged) desires. In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, "Hermione grimly" tells Harry to "'Watch your frog, it's escaping'" (Rowling 374). Harry realizes too late that "he was indeed squeezing his bullfrog so tightly that its eyes were popping" (Rowling 375). However, there are a few homosexual images, as Hermione has "suspected this ever since Filch accused you of ordering Dungbombs" (Rowling 374).
Even Elmore Leonard can not resist including homosexual images in his writing. In Leonard's The Hot Kid we find this very revealing passage: "'Yeah, picking nuts. But he's always let me have my head'" (171).Obviously, these examples are very contrived and almost (or extremely) silly. However, they do prove that we as readers can inject almost any context we wish into a book, and then find the evidence to support our claims. It is important to look at ourselves and our own prejudices when we are examining writing. The danger of reading too much into a work is that we will be unable to convince others when we have valid points. For example, while Showalter probably has many good and interesting ideas, I will view any literary criticism of hers with suspicion in the future.
Works Cited
Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre. Dover Thrift Edition. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications Inc., 2002. Print.
Danahay, Martin A. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. 2nd edition. Peterborough, ON: Broadview Press, 2005. Print.
Leonard, Elmore. The Hot Kid. Paperback. New York: Harper Collins, 2005. Print.
Rowling, J. K.. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hardcover. New York: Scholastic Press, 2003. Print.
Showalter, Elaine. Sexual Anarchy: Gender and Culture at the Fin de Siecle. New York: Viking, 1990. Print.
Stevenson, Robert Louis. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Travels with a Donkey. Art-Type Edition. New York: Books, Inc., Unknown. Print.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Reposting -- "Don't read too much into this, 'k?"
You can find the original post, and other literary (kinda) ramblings at http://blogs.setonhill.edu/NatalieDuvall/
As I read David Punter's analysis of Robert Bloch's Psycho, I found many valid points in his discussion of the novel. I found some things especially interesting. One of the things that stood out to me was Punter's note that "...it is a double death which is referred to, the deaths of a man and a woman; although the deaths do not actually occur simultaneously" (Punter 96). I can see how the original murders - those of Norman's mother and her lover - connect in the murderers mind with these two later murders.
And that's when I got to thinking. Does it have to be this way? Did Bloch have to think all these things, to plan all these deeply insightful journeys into his pyschopath's mind?
Or did Bloch one day just sit down at his typewriter (that's what they used to write with in the 1950's, right?) and say, "Man, wouldn't it be great if there was this guy who killed these people dressed up in his mother's skin?!"
I had these same thoughts when reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and discussing the possibilities of homosexual undertones in the story. Why couldn't Robert Louis Stevenson, gay or straight, just write a great story about a guy who managed to split himself into two personalities, one good and one bad?
Why do we search for hidden agendas and not just proclaim the beauty of a great plot?
Am I thinking this just because I don't have veiled meanings in my stories? If someone were to read my work, would they wonder about latent lesbian tendencies or how well I delved into the psyche of a Regency era woman? Would it matter if they did? Heck, I might actually be flattered that they did - and then I'd run with it and say that was exactly my intent.
I know that Plato and Fish and Wolff have all debated literary theory before me, but I still wonder when plot is more than plot and words are more than words.
What makes it not enough for a writer to simply tell a good story? Is there something wrong with the reader if he or she tries to dig up a meaning behind the words?
What makes us as readers search for hidden meanings? Are we scared that someone like Bloch might tell a story of a shower-time decapitation without having multiple layers of psychoanalytical meaning?
What would happen if all the stories we read were just that, stories? People would have to look at themselves, then, for the reaction a story created.
I think that's why we love to give deeper meanings to works of art. If Stevenson didn't intend to put homosexual allusions in his story, then that means there is some part of us that sees those images in the text. That's what scares us. It's okay if an author put something in his or her story. It's not okay if we take something out of the story.
Especially in horror fiction, if we see our own meaning in a story, it means that we can relate to the story. To relate to a horror story is... well, it's horrifying! No one wants to admit that they could understand why someone would have a sexual relationship with a lock of hair.
So, I say to you, we need to look for the deeper meanings in literary criticism. It is clear that David Punter had mother issues. In fact, more than that, he struggles with his sexual identity. Because of how his mother treated him, he wants to turn himself into a woman, though he struggles with how to become a "young girl with beautiful breasts" (Punter 95).
Works Cited
Punter, David. "Robert Bloch's Psycho: Some Pathological Contexts." In American Horror Fiction: From Brockden Brown to Stephen King. Ed. Brian Docherty. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1990. 92-106.
As I read David Punter's analysis of Robert Bloch's Psycho, I found many valid points in his discussion of the novel. I found some things especially interesting. One of the things that stood out to me was Punter's note that "...it is a double death which is referred to, the deaths of a man and a woman; although the deaths do not actually occur simultaneously" (Punter 96). I can see how the original murders - those of Norman's mother and her lover - connect in the murderers mind with these two later murders.
And that's when I got to thinking. Does it have to be this way? Did Bloch have to think all these things, to plan all these deeply insightful journeys into his pyschopath's mind?
Or did Bloch one day just sit down at his typewriter (that's what they used to write with in the 1950's, right?) and say, "Man, wouldn't it be great if there was this guy who killed these people dressed up in his mother's skin?!"
I had these same thoughts when reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and discussing the possibilities of homosexual undertones in the story. Why couldn't Robert Louis Stevenson, gay or straight, just write a great story about a guy who managed to split himself into two personalities, one good and one bad?
Why do we search for hidden agendas and not just proclaim the beauty of a great plot?
Am I thinking this just because I don't have veiled meanings in my stories? If someone were to read my work, would they wonder about latent lesbian tendencies or how well I delved into the psyche of a Regency era woman? Would it matter if they did? Heck, I might actually be flattered that they did - and then I'd run with it and say that was exactly my intent.
I know that Plato and Fish and Wolff have all debated literary theory before me, but I still wonder when plot is more than plot and words are more than words.
What makes it not enough for a writer to simply tell a good story? Is there something wrong with the reader if he or she tries to dig up a meaning behind the words?
What makes us as readers search for hidden meanings? Are we scared that someone like Bloch might tell a story of a shower-time decapitation without having multiple layers of psychoanalytical meaning?
What would happen if all the stories we read were just that, stories? People would have to look at themselves, then, for the reaction a story created.
I think that's why we love to give deeper meanings to works of art. If Stevenson didn't intend to put homosexual allusions in his story, then that means there is some part of us that sees those images in the text. That's what scares us. It's okay if an author put something in his or her story. It's not okay if we take something out of the story.
Especially in horror fiction, if we see our own meaning in a story, it means that we can relate to the story. To relate to a horror story is... well, it's horrifying! No one wants to admit that they could understand why someone would have a sexual relationship with a lock of hair.
So, I say to you, we need to look for the deeper meanings in literary criticism. It is clear that David Punter had mother issues. In fact, more than that, he struggles with his sexual identity. Because of how his mother treated him, he wants to turn himself into a woman, though he struggles with how to become a "young girl with beautiful breasts" (Punter 95).
Works Cited
Punter, David. "Robert Bloch's Psycho: Some Pathological Contexts." In American Horror Fiction: From Brockden Brown to Stephen King. Ed. Brian Docherty. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1990. 92-106.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
4stories: Void
Void
The Thin Man turned and walked into the darkness. with every left step, he bent at the waist and with every right step he straightened. Mitch thought it strange at first but as they continued through the void, he grew used to the shuffle and snap of those steps.
"Where are we going?" Mitch asked after a very long period of silence.
Thin man's upper torso snaked around, his head the last thing to turn. "Hold up the orb."
Mitch held it in front of him. Initially, when it had been shoved into his hand, it had glowed brightly. Not long after it dimmed to a dull glow.
"You have to be thinking of light for it to glow."
Mitch glanced at the orb. It seemed silly to think the orb into lighting. He shrugged. This moment was as ridiculous as any other moment since walking through the cellar door. He imagined the green light he witnessed earlier filling every dark space around him and baring every wall, crack and crevice of where ever he was standing.
Nothing happened.
He glanced at Thin Man, disbelief and distrust evident throughout every part of him.
"You have to do more than imagine, little man. You have to believe the light is there for it to work."
Mitch scoffed. Belief? That was the best Thin Man could think up?
"Close your eyes," he hissed. "Close your eyes and imagine the light. Open your eyes knowing the light is there and it will be."
Mitch sighed, impatient, but then did as he was told. He closed his eyes, held the globe high, imagined the green light emanating around him and opened his eyes believing it was there.
It was.
Mitch looked around him at a long hall filled with doors. In front and behind him, the hallway seemed to have no end and no beginning, though in theory, he came from the beginning when he entered this place. "So now what?"
"Now, we pick a door."
"What's in all these rooms?"
"Places, people. Much like yourself, little man."
Mitch felt a tingle at the back of his neck and behind his ears. Something about what Thin Man said didn't sit right with him but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was wrong in light of everything that had happened to him.
"So where are we now?"
"Now? We're no where now. We're in a long hallway with an infinite number of doors that lead to all kinds of places. Right now, we're in limbo, we're in the void, the abyss. Nothing happens here, except waiting and indecision." Thin Man's eyes darted left then right. He snaked a finger into Mitch's collar and pulled him close. His hot, fishy breath invaded Mitch's ear with every word that he whispered.
"You never know what you'll get when you open one of these doors. Some say there are stairs that lead to other floors but I've never found them. Other's say you can find your happiest dream here or your worst nightmares. Still others say you can find your way back to where you came from. But I never have."
Mitch stared straight ahead. Stairs? Where was he? With each passing moment, he grew more curious about this place he discovered. More curious, and more concerned. What if he never found something good here? So far, this place had been...uncomfortable. What if it got worse?
He would find the stairs. He would find the best doors in this place. And eventually, he would find his way home.
He walked toward the door in front of him and placed his hand on the shiny brass knob. As the door cracked open, he saw the most blinding light at the opening. The door, once cracked, sprang open, the white light spilling into the hallway. Mitch stepped through, pocketing his green orb.
Behind him, the door cracked shut and when he turned around, the door was gone.
The Thin Man turned and walked into the darkness. with every left step, he bent at the waist and with every right step he straightened. Mitch thought it strange at first but as they continued through the void, he grew used to the shuffle and snap of those steps.
"Where are we going?" Mitch asked after a very long period of silence.
Thin man's upper torso snaked around, his head the last thing to turn. "Hold up the orb."
Mitch held it in front of him. Initially, when it had been shoved into his hand, it had glowed brightly. Not long after it dimmed to a dull glow.
"You have to be thinking of light for it to glow."
Mitch glanced at the orb. It seemed silly to think the orb into lighting. He shrugged. This moment was as ridiculous as any other moment since walking through the cellar door. He imagined the green light he witnessed earlier filling every dark space around him and baring every wall, crack and crevice of where ever he was standing.
Nothing happened.
He glanced at Thin Man, disbelief and distrust evident throughout every part of him.
"You have to do more than imagine, little man. You have to believe the light is there for it to work."
Mitch scoffed. Belief? That was the best Thin Man could think up?
"Close your eyes," he hissed. "Close your eyes and imagine the light. Open your eyes knowing the light is there and it will be."
Mitch sighed, impatient, but then did as he was told. He closed his eyes, held the globe high, imagined the green light emanating around him and opened his eyes believing it was there.
It was.
Mitch looked around him at a long hall filled with doors. In front and behind him, the hallway seemed to have no end and no beginning, though in theory, he came from the beginning when he entered this place. "So now what?"
"Now, we pick a door."
"What's in all these rooms?"
"Places, people. Much like yourself, little man."
Mitch felt a tingle at the back of his neck and behind his ears. Something about what Thin Man said didn't sit right with him but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was wrong in light of everything that had happened to him.
"So where are we now?"
"Now? We're no where now. We're in a long hallway with an infinite number of doors that lead to all kinds of places. Right now, we're in limbo, we're in the void, the abyss. Nothing happens here, except waiting and indecision." Thin Man's eyes darted left then right. He snaked a finger into Mitch's collar and pulled him close. His hot, fishy breath invaded Mitch's ear with every word that he whispered.
"You never know what you'll get when you open one of these doors. Some say there are stairs that lead to other floors but I've never found them. Other's say you can find your happiest dream here or your worst nightmares. Still others say you can find your way back to where you came from. But I never have."
Mitch stared straight ahead. Stairs? Where was he? With each passing moment, he grew more curious about this place he discovered. More curious, and more concerned. What if he never found something good here? So far, this place had been...uncomfortable. What if it got worse?
He would find the stairs. He would find the best doors in this place. And eventually, he would find his way home.
He walked toward the door in front of him and placed his hand on the shiny brass knob. As the door cracked open, he saw the most blinding light at the opening. The door, once cracked, sprang open, the white light spilling into the hallway. Mitch stepped through, pocketing his green orb.
Behind him, the door cracked shut and when he turned around, the door was gone.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A moment, please.
There's something to be said for a perfectly maintained field of Kentucky blue grass. Its blades, cut to a precise 1.28 inches, fairly beg for the touch of a hand, a foot, a body cupped in its taut blades. A single step from your bare sole reveals its springy, yet prickled self. The scent of the moment, the earthy, fresh aroma surrounds you as you move into the field. It tickles your soul and your feet as you walk to the center. You sit, then lie back; you close your eyes and feel. Yes, there is something to be said for this moment.
-D
-D
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-Shirts: Chapter One
Last week, I posted the introduction to my latest tome, The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-Shirts. This week, I present chapter one to the Interweb community. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, but most of all, I hope it will bring you a fuller understanding of the universe.
Chapter One: Definition by Negation
The concept of a dress t-shirt is unfathomable to some. Most people will experience extreme doubt and confusion when first exposed to the principles in this book. Are dress t-shirts real? Will I ever be able to identify them on my own? And will they really change my life?
I am here to tell you that the answers are yes, yes, and YES. But to ease your entry into the dress t-shirt waters, I will start you off slow. First, we will define what is NOT a dress t-shirt, for the highest presence is absence.
We will start off with an easy one: the tank top (figure one). Despite what you may have heard at the laundromat, a tank top is not considered formal enough for anything more than a holiday picnic with family and close friends.
The next one is a bit tougher. What could be more formal than a tuxedo shirt? With ruffles? What about a ruffled tuxedo t-shirt?
Unfortunately, this is a trick question. A true dress t-shirt does not feel the need to represent itself as anything OTHER THAN a t-shirt. A true dress t-shirt stands proudly on its own and states, "I am here. I am a t-shirt. And I am business casual."
I know by this point your head is reeling. You're wondering if you will ever get the hang of this dress t-shirt thing. I'm here to tell you, you will. Believe in yourself, believe in your clothes, and use the information in this book, and all will be well. All manner of things will be well. But to avoid driving you into sensory overload, I will give just one final example. This is the most common mistake the dress t-shirt rookie is likely to make. And that mistake is:
Wearing a dress t-shirt that is, literally, a dress. Ask yourself this question: would I have to hike my t-shirt up to do any of the following?
- Sit down
- Retrieve my wallet/keys
- Run
- Use the restroom
- Walk across a large puddle
If the answer to one or more items is "yes," then you are not wearing a dress t-shirt. You are wearing a t-shirt dress. And you desperately need to purchase another copy of this book.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-Shirts (Intro)
I'm currently shopping my nonfiction masterpiece, The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-shirts, around to different agents and editors. In the meantime, I've decided that the world can't live without this information. So I will be posting it here for all my Project4Word friends. If you like it, invite a friend. If you don't, invite an enemy. In either case, make sure it's someone who can use this information to make the world a better place. Enjoy!
Cheers,
Duvall
=====================================================================
Why a dress t-shirt?
Walter walked into the party and surveyed the crowd. The stereo was blasting classic Kool and the Gang, while a Lothario in leather chaps chatted up a beautiful red head in the corner. Walter noticed, only too late, that he was severely under-dressed for this soiree. His wife, Thelma, had tried to warn him, but he had ignored her advice--at his own peril, as he now realized. If only Walter had been able to read...
The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-shirts
What man has not found himself in a predicament such as Walter's? A place and time where a tank top is too informal, but a polo is overkill? The answer is: no man, except perhaps for George Clooney (and there is mounting evidence that he is a cyborg--see Appendix A).
This book is designed to help you obtain, organize, and fully utilize dress t-shirts. The truths are harsh, but the payoff is immeasurable. I'll be glad to hear your success stories (and believe me, a dress t-shirt is every man's secret to success), but due to the overwhelming number of responses I am sure to get, don't be offended if I don't respond to you personally. Please, use the information in this book for good and not evil. This is your guide into the glamorous world of...dress t-shirts.
Cheers,
Duvall
=====================================================================
Why a dress t-shirt?
Walter walked into the party and surveyed the crowd. The stereo was blasting classic Kool and the Gang, while a Lothario in leather chaps chatted up a beautiful red head in the corner. Walter noticed, only too late, that he was severely under-dressed for this soiree. His wife, Thelma, had tried to warn him, but he had ignored her advice--at his own peril, as he now realized. If only Walter had been able to read...
The Everyman's Guide to Dress T-shirts
What man has not found himself in a predicament such as Walter's? A place and time where a tank top is too informal, but a polo is overkill? The answer is: no man, except perhaps for George Clooney (and there is mounting evidence that he is a cyborg--see Appendix A).
This book is designed to help you obtain, organize, and fully utilize dress t-shirts. The truths are harsh, but the payoff is immeasurable. I'll be glad to hear your success stories (and believe me, a dress t-shirt is every man's secret to success), but due to the overwhelming number of responses I am sure to get, don't be offended if I don't respond to you personally. Please, use the information in this book for good and not evil. This is your guide into the glamorous world of...dress t-shirts.
4stories: Bent
The door slam echoed around him. Mitch froze. His lungs leaked air in a slow, steady wheeze until empty; his mouth worked the air like a fish pulled from the water. It was as though he'd forgotten how to breathe. A darkness--darker than closing his eyes or his bedroom in the dead of night--surrounded him and pressed in on him. Panic wrung the last of the oxygen from his lungs as his lips puckered in response.
Then, a hefty slap to his back caused Mitch to sputter and cough and finally, breathe.
"Here," hissed a voice next to his ear. Mitch felt something smooth and round being shoved into his hand and jumped. A shiver climbed his spine as the area around him began to glow. "A green orber. Hmmm..." the voice whispered again.
Mitch glanced behind him and saw a very tall and very thin man. His lanky looks didn't stop with his body and, in fact, were more pronounced in his face. With a chin and cheeks sharp enough to cut glass, Mitch wondered how his skin fit over his bones. Then, the thin man's mouth stretched into a grotesque smile revealing small childish teeth, all perfectly strain and abnormally white. Mitch stepped back, stepped away from this man--he wanted to run but had no where to run. He didn't even know where he was since he clearly was not in the cellar anymore. Or was he?
"Stop," Thin man said, the smile wiped from his face. His hand cut the air as he gestured behind Mitch, beyond the green glow. "Nevo is there. You don't want him to know you're here. He wouldn't like it."
"Who is Nevo? What are you doing in my cellar?"
"Shh. Nevo is the keeper and this isn't your cellar. But you already know that." The gruesome smile returned and he crooked his boney finger. "Come."
Mitch hesitated. He knew better than to go with strangers.
The thin man turned away. He walked with a see-saw motion towards the edge of the light. "You have nothing to return to, that is, if you could return." His hissing whisper turned into wheezing laughter.
Mitch held the orb in front of him and spun around in a slow careful circle. Nothing. As far as his eyes could see there was nothing but blackness. Sounds started emerging from around him--clicking, breathing and rustling.
Thin Man's disembodied head appeared in the ring of light. "You'd be better off with me than one of the others."
"Others?" Mitch asked, his voice timid and squeaky.
"Oh yes. They wait there for me to leave you." His hand came from the darkness and pointed behind Mitch. "Do you want me to leave you here then? Or will you come with me?"
He knew going with Thin Man was not a good idea but he was sure staying would be equally bad. The rustling and breathing around him had become louder almost drowning out the loud beating of Mitch's own racing heart.
He glanced around him one more time before walking into the darkness. Thin Man's raspy laughter echoed against the surroundings as the other noises settled into a hush. Mitch had made his choice. Now he had to live with it.
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